Semester 2 Reflection Paragraph

While semester I heavily developed my writing skills, semester 2 is when I got to fully apply them. I worked on my novella, Grey, for a while, but then switched to writing shorter pieces. I think I have really developed a creative voice in my writing through this course. I have learned to express my thoughts in an interesting way that reaches my readers. Creative writing has opened up my mind to different types of writing, such as poetry. Before, I was never an avid poetry lover. But, throughout semester 2 I have written some and I now love it. Also, my short pieces are a big accomplishment for me. I am very proud of them because they show my immense improvement from the beginning of the year. My piece about the concert, although fictional, brought the reader into the moment. It was exhilarating to both write and for my friends to read. I loved writing it! Writing creatively is a good outlet for me because it allows me to creatively voice my opinion. Writing has always been important to me, but with all my accomplishments of this year and my pieces from semester 2 in particular, I really feel that I have improved. This has been a great year for my writing skills to develop, and I feel this class truly did that for me.

As the bass pounded through my body, I got lost in the exhilarating rush of music and the crowd of mismatched people. Blue lights flashed before my eyes as I threw my hands in the air. Dusk was settling in, so I appreciated the sun kissed sky for as long as I could before it vanished. The omniscient darkness of the night illuminated the stage, fueling the crowd to invest all their energy in dancing to the beat. I looked across the sea of waving hands, all different colors and shapes. Smiles crept across everyone's faces. We were young and in love with the idea of knowing so. We had no reason to care about anything in that moment. Beads of sweat dripped down my face as the euphoric lights danced before me. I felt the energy of everyone around me carry me into an altered state of mind; I was care free. I pounded my fist in the air and let go. The music lifted me up in a way I had never felt before. It felt as if it was inside me, part of my bloodstream. It was a natural high couldn't experience any other way. As dusk faded into dawn, the empty stage stood before me. Exhausted, I grabbed my purse and walked carelessly around the endless land around me, reminiscing of my magical night. A night I would always remember.

Alone.

Each lonely day blurred together into a fog of tears and sorrow. I wondered what he was doing at this very moment. Was he lying in his bed, thinking of my warm, comforting smile? Or was he out at a campus party, red cup in hand, dancing against some random, drunk girl? All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, for him to be free, even if that meant I could no longer call him mine. But, I still wished more than anything that he would change his mind. To hear the words, "Yes, I do want to be together" would impact my life in a way he could never know. I understood his burning desire to escape the pressures of reality and surround himself with unfamiliar faces and scenery. But, what I didn't understand was why he wanted to sacrifice me. Did it make him happy to know that every other girl he was eyeing made me die inside? My heart ached. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot from the endless flow of tears that began the day he left. Part of me was missing. I felt empty. One part of me wanted to let him live his life on his own, but the other didn't want to let him go. How could I let him move on? He was my first love. The first person I put all my trust in. The first person to admire even my tiniest traits. The first person that I felt comfortable being my true self in front. While he made me vulnerable, he also made me strong. Waking up each morning and knowing I had someone who unconditionally loved me, whether or not he always showed it, held me above the thin ice I was so close to falling through. But the moment he opened that letter, "We would be happy to have you on our campus," I broke that weak barrier and nearly drowned. I wanted to be happy for him, I wanted to support him, but how could I accept that he was moving on without me? I was just collateral damage through his eyes. Just a temporary fill until he went off into the real world and found someone he wanted more. I would never again be his one and only.

Him.

Him

Beautiful, Kind

Loving, Comforting, Embracing

Cuddles, smiles, tears, heartbreak

Misleading, hurting, regretting

Pain, Mistrust

Him. 

Reflection on Longer work.

I took a break from my novella, Grey, for the beginning of the 4th quarter. I wanted to switch gears and write a shorter story so I wouldn't get stuck while writing my novella. It has been difficult writing Grey because I have so many ideas of possible things I would like to write about, but with Grey it is the same routine and story line every day. Writing shorter pieces is easier for me, even though I enjoy all kinds of creative writing. Next, I plan on finishing up my shorter pieces within the next 2 weeks or so after spring break, and then I will return to Grey. I hope to complete 3-5 chapters of Grey by the end of my sophomore year.

Forever

Forever

I could not live knowing you weren't mine,

My heart ached, and I felt empty.

So much passion and love, I wanted our hearts to forever be aligned.

Loosing you would be deadly.

The first person I ever loved,

I was utterly obsessed with your smile,

You're touch, you're voice, you're laugh, you're scent,

I wanted you to stay for a while.

My other half, my one and only,

I promised to never stop fighting for you

Because a world without my soulmate, would be so dull, so lonely.

I only hope you feel this way too.

No ice could freeze your warm, loving presence,
No fire could burn our love to ashes.
Your endless array of joy and affection convinced me you were sent from the heavens.

My love for you could never fade,
Your kind soul was the best thing that ever happened to me.
To face your absence was like a sharp blade, piercing my fragile heart.
So, please, do not leave, don't let my heart wash away in the dark, vast sea,
Feeling your love is the only way to maintain my sanity.

Quarter 3 Reflection

This quarter was very productive for me. I completed a full outline and almost completed 2 full chapters of my Novella, Grey. Every day I worked on editing my previous writing and revising Grey until I found it to be perfect. So, that is why I didn't get many chapters done. I had to keep revisiting my work and deciding what would make it sound best and effect people most, so every word really meant something. Out of the writing I have done regarding Grey in this quarter, I am most proud of the fact that I completed a full chapter of my short novel. Chapter 3, Titled "Matt", is about Ella Grey's boyfriend and how her death has affected him. Ella shares her feelings from beneath her grave, and her point of view is enticingly disturbing and unlike any other book I have read. I have a goos mindset about this novella, and I believe it will be completed by the end of 4th quarter and ready to share with the class and fellow students who are interested in viewing my literary work.

Prospectus

Description of the project: I would like to write a short novel called "Grey."

Synopsis of the events of plot: This book will be written form the point of view of a dead teenage girl who passed away from anorexia. The novel will basically describe the world through her eyes, such as talking about her family and friends and how she watches over them.

Describe the main characters: A dead teenage girl named Ella Grey. She died from anorexia. The story is told through her eyes and it is about her school and piers and family and how her death affects them, and she shares her thoughts on how she views the world now that she is dead.

Outline
-intro: Ella describing her life before she got an eating disorder
-talking about how she was hospitalized
-obsessive thoughts
-talking a bout the day she actually died
-chapter about her boyfriend and how he is living now and how she views him now that she is dead
-chapter about her brother
-chapter about her mom
-chapter about dad
-chapter about her best friend
-conclusion: talk about how even though she is dead, she achieved her goal: she was finally disgustingly skinny

Slam Poetry

Change.

As she swallowed each pill, to ease the pain,

I thought back to when she was ok.

She was healthy, happy, all of the above,

What suddenly made her change?

The voices in her head, whispered "Don't eat! Don't eat!"

Even though she was desperate for a bite.

And as she stood up, after swallowing 5 pills, on her paper thin skin and bone legs,

All I wondered, was what suddenly made her change?

I couldn't stand to see her cry, over the single M&M she ate,

the pizza, lettuce, rice, chicken anything she could possibly chew,

So I sat her down, and she swallowed another pill, this one was to treat her depression, 

and said to her, in my gentle voice,

"What suddenly made you change?"

As tears streamed down her cold, pale face,

she told me her sad story.

Every day, whether magazines or television, or even just seeing the other girls at school, she saw so many skinny girls. They were thin and had a special glow, which is all she ever wanted people to see in her. She wanted those bony legs, weak arms, and defined collar bone. She wanted that false sense of confidence all the beautiful women in the world had.

The thing is, she WAS one of those girls, with her beautiful, natural physique. Her kind smile, and shining skin, why did she not notice what everyone else could see?

But once she reached her goal, and looked like Angelina Jólie, her whole life became about food. Food and exercise. Food and exercise and counting calories. Food and exercise and counting calories and restricting. Food and exercise and counting calories and restricting and losing herself in her chaotic journey to reach her twisted idea of perfection. Why did she have to change?

So, sitting with her, I took her delicate hand, and told her,
"You never even needed to change."

Thoughts for Semester 2

Because this is not only a new semester, but a new year, I would like to expand my writing to create different types of literary works. The spoken word poetry really spoke to me; It was explicit, personal, untraditional, and loud. The spoken word poem, Louder than a bomb, was my favorite because it explicitly revealed the speaker's feelings. I am also very excited to revisit Dr. Totland because I was absent last semester for the week that we got to take class with him, so I didn't fully experience his style of teaching or play writing. As a longer, sustained project, I really want to write a lengthy, deeply emotional personal narrative.